The journey to parenthood is a joyous one, but for some couples, it comes with a lot of questions, concerns, and choices. For those couples who choose to move forward with IVF, Brandy and Susan at The Next Family shared some tips and advice on how to pick a donor.
The moms begin with all the questions parents-to-be have to ask themselves when considering a donor: “Do I want an anonymous donor? Do I want a willing-to-be-known donor? Do I want a friend?” Brandy imparts on how important these questions are and the potential discussion of how much of a role or involvement you as parents want donors to play in your child’s life.
Susan and Brandy discuss how they looked through binders of donor profiles and tried to choose a donor who matched the attributes of Susan since Brandy would be the one carrying the children. However, their children came out blonde hair and blue or green-eyed, proving that you can never be quite sure when choosing donors how genetics will determine appearance or traits.
Probably the most significant part of the video is when Brandy says of picking a donor, “It’s awkward.”
She added, “I’m going to be honest, I felt a certain amount of shame around that too, like, ‘God this feels so unnatural. What are we doing?’ and ‘Is it right what we are doing?’”
Susan piped in, “I felt more, like, embarrassed.” Brandy agreed and said, “It’s invasive and awkward.”
However, there’s a silver lining. “Once you're pregnant, that book of paperwork on that donor goes into a special box…and it doesn’t come up for years later and you forget all about it and you’re pregnant and you have a kid. And now…we’ve turned a corner and there’s nothing awkward about it to me.”
This honesty and personal insight from Brandy and Susan is vitally important to LGBT prospective parents going through the process of picking a donor because it reminds them: you are not alone and despite the awkwardness one may feel, in the end, picking a donor is just a very small step in the journey to becoming loving parents.